


To put it simply, it's never simple

by SoftLegend



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Banter, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Panic Attacks, This is my first fic ever so um- I'm really hesitant about it, Tickle Fights, but like for a second, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24048244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftLegend/pseuds/SoftLegend
Summary: To put it simply, Virgil was a frustrated man. He was content with how his life was at the moment, sure. He got the acceptance of the other sides and Thomas himself and he even managed to become friends with them! How that came to happen, he doesn’t really know, but he was grateful for what he had. He was! He swears he was! He just hoped that was enough.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 14
Kudos: 78





	To put it simply, it's never simple

To put it simply, Virgil was a frustrated man. He was content with how his life was at the moment, sure. He got the acceptance of the other sides and Thomas himself and he even managed to become friends with them! How that came to happen, he doesn’t really know, but he was grateful for what he had. He was! He swears he was! He just hoped that was enough.

He loved hanging out with Logan, the serious side being a refreshing change to all the bubbliness or the chaos the others brought with them. With Logan, everything was easy, he wasn’t a problem at all. Roman was a little more difficult, what with his constant need to let people know his superiority and such. But Virgil got him, he knew that Roman’s attitude came from a background of deep insecurity about not wanting to be seen as the “bad side”. Speaking of such, hanging out with Remus or Janus was almost fucking impossible if what he wanted was peace and quiet and to have a good time. The two of them were a disaster to different levels. A very… murder-driven disaster that Virgil did not want to associate with.

But hanging out with Patton? Was torture. Don´t get him wrong, Virgil lo… cares about the guy, it’s just that hanging out with him was so painful when Patton kept refereeing to him as either a purely platonic figure in his life, or even worse… a paternal figure. If Virgil had to hear Patton call him “son” ONE MORE TIME he would have to get right in his face and scream about how he has had the biggest crush on him since day one. For the love of god, Patton! He was trying here! But Virgil would never give this away, since Patton clearly seemed to not want anything to do with him, in a romantic sense.

That being said, it was almost ironic how the person that was hardest for him to hang out with was also the person he spent the most time doing any sorts of activities with. Painfully ironic. Virgil didn’t like irony. He just couldn’t help it, he liked being around Patton, ok? Sue him. He had gone as far as to call him his best friend. Out loud! In front of everyone! In retrospect, it was not the best move to make when you’re trying to be cautious. Patton just made him throw all caution out of a window when he was with him. It made trying to hide his crush on him all the harder. God, if he were to slip up he would probably die. Disappear from this mind place. Bye-bye, Thomas, sorry, it was a good run but gotta go!

That’s… probably not true. He wouldn’t just do that to everyone. But he’ll certainly wouldn’t know what to do… at all. That’s why he’s never going to say it! At all! He’ll rather die than confess to someone who sees you as their fucking son (Their son? Really? WHY did it have to be a father-son thing, my god).

This one-sided crush became ever so much more painful when Virgil tried to change things around. He tried sitting closer to him of movie nights. He tried expending more time with him. He tried partaking in things Patton liked and letting him know about the things that he himself liked. He even tried cuddling up to him! Patton just thinks they’re platonically cuddling now! Which he doesn’t mind at all because the guy is very affectionate, but give Virgil a break! Come on!

He didn’t know what to do. Which made it so much more painful when he had to tell him outright to stop treating him like he was. Because the paternal nicknames were driving him insane. Because every patronizing compliment made his blood boil. Because he just couldn’t take it! Virgil was aware that telling Patton this could make him uncomfortable, maybe make things a little awkward between them. But if this made expending time with Patton just a little more bearable, he was down to try. He just hoped he didn’t mess anything up.

So when Patton was alone on his room after their awkward talk, you could say he was more than surprised when Virgil just appeared to spend time with him, like he’s been doing all this time. There he was, sitting on his usual place, a purple beanbag placed on the floor that Patton got for him. The man just insisted on sitting on the floor every single time and Patton was just not having it. Patton turned to him, a confused look on his face, one that Virgil noticed right away.

“…What” Virgil was hesitant.

“Oh, I- Um…” Patton took a second to collect his thoughts, taking a couple of steps forward toward the man, who was too far away to have a normal conversation “After what you just said, I thought… I just thought you might not want to… be around me right now?”

Virgil was taken aback for a second “Why would I not want to be- spend time with you?” he almost slipped out.

“No, it’s just… I thought…” Patton looked down and started playing with the sleeves of the cat hoodie, which he wore as soon as the group was done having dilemmas every time “I thought you were annoyed at me? Maybe?”

Virgil scoffed, getting Patton to take his attention out of his sleeves and look back at him.

“Just because I said I don’t like being treated like an innocent baby doesn’t mean I don’t want to be… friends with you” Virgil was, arguably, not good at words “I wouldn’t spend this much time being around you if I didn’t like it, Pats.”

This made Patton smile, the tension in his shoulders relaxing a little. Virgil repositioned himself, sitting cross-legged on the bean.

“So you’re not mad at me?” Patton asked after a few seconds of silence. Virgil rolled his eyes, a smile on his face as to not give Patton the idea that he actually was annoyed.

“No I’m not mad at you! I would never” he smiled at him.

Virgil smiling was not really a sight the sides got to see often, the paler side always trying to maintain his gloomy attitude. Even if he decided not to be mean, it doesn’t take away from the fact that he should still be seen as scary. So smiling was off the table. That was, of course, until Virgil and Patton became friends. Being around the bubbly, happy, pun-filled guy and not laughing and smiling with him was harder than trying to hold in a sneeze. So Virgil eventually stopped trying. At least when it was just the two of them. When he decided that not holding back was the best for both of them, being around Patton just became all the more fun. As if it wasn’t already.

Patton smiled back “Ok! Thank goodness” he let out a relieved half-laugh “I just thought you might not want to be with the patronizing dude anymore after that.”

“Yeah, I’m not a big fan of the patronizing dude” Virgil responded, a sarcastic tone in his voice “but… I don’t mind as much hanging out with the fun, sentimental, and though I hate to say it, kind of funny dude, who likes hanging out with the sarcastic, kind-of-a-dick dude.”

“Language!” Patton immediately jumped, literally, making Virgil laugh “And don’t talk bad about yourself! You know I will fight you! Physically! I will physically fight you!”

“You know, you keep saying that, but I’ll like to see you try” Virgil changed his way of sitting again, one leg still crossed while the other touched the floor, his tone having a slight flirty undertone he prayed Patton didn’t notice.

“Is that what you want?” Patton’s tone was playful too, not quite reaching a flirty level, of course not… He took another step forward. Making Virgil just want to tease him more, just to see what happens

“Oh I don’t know, Pat” Virgil continued, trying to pull his leg “I’m not sure what I would do if you tried to fight me! What can a sack of trash like me possibly do against that? All I know is how to be self-deprecating and make people f-“

Before Virgil could really finish, he felt a weight on him, pinning him to the bean bag. Virgil would have almost had time to hold back his blush if Patton didn’t immediately start tickling him. Objectively, not exactly what he expected, but a laughing fit did wonders to hide exactly how flustered he felt. On the other hand, he was being fucking tickled, so he didn’t know which was worse.

Patton’s tickle attack stopped almost as soon as it had begun, Patton being merciful enough as to not keep it going for longer than necessary. Patton stayed where he was, not tickling Virgil anymore but still with each leg on the other side of Virgil’s hips, pinning him down by his upper arms. Virgil really tried not to think about them laying just like this in a different context.

“See? That will teach you to not underestimate me” Patton said, triumphantly, his breath recovering from the effort, but not quite as much as Virgil’s was.

“Well, that wasn’t really a physical fight, was it?” Virgil let himself just lay there, refusing to admit he liked that he was still being pinned.

“Wh- I would never actually hit you!” Patton let go of his upper arms. He spoke too soon.

“Wow Pat, didn’t take you for a man of empty promises” Virgil kept teasing, hoping. Patton seemed really taken aback by this comment.

“Virgil! I’m- I could never-“ Patton was stopped by Virgil’s laughter, deciding to stop the conversation for Patton’s sake.

“I know, I know. I’m just messing with you bee” …Bee? What the fuck-

“Bee?” Patton mirrored his thoughts. He stared for a second, before smiling excitedly “Does that mean that you’re my honey?” Virgil really tried not to scream out loud at the idea of Patton calling him honey.

“Do you want me to be called your puke?” Patton let out a little “eeeeew” before laughing again, Virgil following him, really glad that he didn’t fuck up by calling him a pet name. Patton cupped his cheeks, still laughing.

“You’re my little puke boy” Patton said, in a baby tone. Virgil still laughed with him until Patton stopped dead of his tracks, taking his hands back like Virgil’s cheeks burned him “Sorry- uh- patronizing, I know” He looked so guilty Virgil almost wanted to hit his past self for even mentioning that excessive nicknames made him uncomfortable.

“No, ugh- Patton, you’re fine” Virgil sighed, kind of annoyed about their little moment being ruined. Patton looked utterly confused.

“I just-“ Patton went back to playing with his sleeves “I don’t know when I’m too much, I hate to think that I make you uncomfortable” he was trying his hardest not to look at Virgil in the eye, focusing his attention in basically anything on the room. Virgil just sighed, placing both of his hands on each of Patton’s knees, praying that it wasn’t an awkward thing to do.

“I can talk, can’t I? I will just tell you when I’m uncomfortable” Patton met his eyes again, making Virgil be the one to look away this time “It’s not that every nickname makes me uncomfortable, it’s only… certain ones”

“Like which?” the fact that Patton was, and had been, on his lap this entire time becoming apparent again when he moved slightly, curious. Virgil internally cursed himself for even leading the conversation this way.

“I- Just- I don’t know! Some of them!” His attempt at avoiding the subject failing when Patton frowned at him. He will admit that having someone frown at you when they’re on top of you was way more intimidating than a usual frown. Considering Patton intimidating was already a stretch in and out of itself. Virgil hesitated “I- can’t think of any right now” his hands moved from Patton’s knees to his hoodie strings to pull at them a little, to ground himself.

“Virgil” Patton’s tone was demanding, like a parent, Virgil almost scoffed “Don’t lie to me”

Virgil felt trapped. Quite literally. It’s not like he could easily get away with Patton still on his lap (Why was he still on his lap? Did he not notice? Is he deciding to ignore that he’s on his lap? Is he doing it on purpose? Is this just a normal thing to him? Does he sit on other people’s lap? WHAT’S GOING ON). So he decided to just come out and say it. Whatever, right? They already had one uncomfortable talk today, why not make it two and just fucking move on after this?

“I” Virgil stopped, having started the sentence louder than he intended to, he cleared his thought “I get really uncomfortable when… you use family-related nicknames with me”  
“But we are fam!” Patton argued.

“ILY, I know, I just- not- I don’t like you referring to me like we’re related, It’s-“ Virgil started biting his thumbnail, his nerves getting to him, aware that he hasn’t looked at Patton for a while now “not- what I want to be with you” upon the utter silence that came right after he said this, Virgil stopped biting his nail, panicking at the thought of having hurt Patton “Not that- I mean- I didn’t mean to say it like that! I just- ugh!”

Virgil grabbed his hood and put it over his head, having this be an easier way to hide than pushing Patton off his lap and banishing to his own room. Patton’s room fell silent. Virgil could almost feel Patton’s thoughts, trying to understand. He let himself be submerged by the bean bag a little, maybe the bean bag will absorb him completely and he’ll suffocate in the inside of it and he won’t have to continue this conversation. Because he’ll be dead. Death sounds so good right now. Please god let this silence end, he’s going to lose it.

“What” Oh thank god “…do you want us to be?” Oh FUCK no-

Virgil froze. Quite literally. What was he supposed to say now? How on Earth can he get out of this situation without giving himself away completely? The fact that he felt his voice at his full “Anxiety” state didn’t help his situation at all. Even if he did come up with a way to get away from this, his voice would just give him away anyways- TOO MANY WAYS. Virgil wanted to leave, he wanted to leave, leave, leave, leave, leave!

“Virgil! Hey, it’s ok! Virge! You’re fine” Virgil didn’t know how long Patton had been calling for him. Or when did he move away from his lap to get on the floor, right next to him. Or even when on Earth he got to take Virgil’s hood off. He just knew that all of those things happened, not exactly how. He didn’t even notice that his breathing had started to get faster- shouldn’t Anxiety himself be aware of when he’s having panic attacks? God, he was useless “Virge? Honey?” 

Virgil looked at him, his breathing uneven, having no idea what to say. He tried to speak, his hands starting to gesticulate, frustrated, when his voice didn’t want to come out. Patton stayed right next to him, placing his hand on Virgil’s shin as a tiny support gesture. Virgil took a while to regain his voice, his breathing having to calm down first, his hands shaky “Sorry” he said as soon as he could, his voice deep. Disadvantages of being the embodiment of Anxiety. As is there were any advantages, really.

“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed it, it’s my fault” Virgil finally looked at him, Patton’s face was a mix of apologetic and pitiful. Great. Virgil looooved that.

“It’s both-“ Virgil cleared his throat again in an attempt to make his voice normal again, working slightly “it’s both of our faults, really” Virgil looked to the side again. Silence filled the room again. For how much Virgil loved silence, silence was starting to piss him off. If there were any words to define Patton, silent should not be one of them. It didn’t help that he was the cause of said silences.

Virgil never meant to hurt Patton in any kind of way. He hated that he was usually the one to put Patton down, even if he didn’t mean to. The fact that he still wanted to hang out with Patton even when he hurt him so much without meaning to was purely selfish. He didn’t deserve Paton’s attention if he was just going to keep hurting him. Patton deserved better. Patton deserved to be around people who made him feel good. Virgil didn’t deserve to be the one taking Patton’s time. He didn’t deserve to be around Patton at all. He should just fucking confess to him so that Patton won’t want to talk to him again! It would spare both of them so much pain, he might as well just do it and move on, right? He should just do it. He should just-

“I like you” he blurted out, before he had a chance to back down, he continued, his eyes fixated exclusively on his own lap “I hate when you refer to me as your son because I’ve just had the biggest crush on you since day one. You’re the only one who’s been nice to me since the very beginning, even when I was trying to be mean and intimidating, I- I couldn’t help to just fall in love with you- it’s ridiculous, really, I tried to avoid it but you just kept calling me your son and best friend and I couldn’t take it. I’m sorry. You can hate me, it’s ok, I wouldn’t blame you, finding out I’ve been feeling like this must be disgusting, I-“

“Virgil” Virgil stopped talking, his head still down, staring at his lap. Patton stood on his knees “Don’t make me physically fight you again.”

Virgil let out a tiny, sad laugh “stop it…”

“Look at me” Virgil didn’t move a muscle, he kept looking at his lap like it was the most interesting thing on the room. Which could not be remotely true, when Patton was right in front of him “Virgil” Patton insisted “Virgiiiiiil” he poked his cheek, Virgil was almost incredulous at the fact that he was playing around when he should be hating him right now. He looked up at this, not sure of what’s happening. “If you think confessing to me just so I would get away from you would work, you’re severely mistaken, mister.”

Virgil exhaled sadly “you don’t have to pretend you’re not uncomfortable by this, Patton” he, yet again, looked away.

“Who says I am uncomfortable?” Patton let out, with his signature innocent tone. Virgil looked back at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

“Because I like you too, silly!” Patton let out a tiny laugh.

…

…

…

WHAT

“What!?” Virgil didn’t mean to use his Anxiety voice saying this, both of his hands landing on their respective sides, making a tiny “poof” sound when they hit the bean bag. Patton giggled a little bit more, his cheeks getting redder by the second. Virgil was almost sure his own cheeks were the same.

“I like you too!” Patton repeated.

“You like-like me?!” Virgil’s tone was incredulous, making Patton let out a full-blown happy laugh. Patton was almost sure he’s never heard Virgil so surprised before, he found it deeply endearing.

“I like-like-like you!” Patton said between laughs, unable to stop.

Virgil sat there, waiting for Patton to calm down, unsure of what he would say either way, had Patton not started laughing. He was not exactly expecting his plan to backfire like this (Could he really said his plan backfired when this turned out to be the best-case scenario? He wasn’t really sure) Patton stopped laughing, slowly but surely, letting go a couple of sorry’s on his way to calm down. He took a big exhale when he was done.

“Sorry, I just- you look so surprised” he giggled again, stopping himself from having another laughing fit “you really didn’t expect that, did you?”

“No?!” Virgil was almost sure he had to be messing with him “how could I have known?”

“I don’t know!” Patton laughed again, his face red “I guess I didn’t actually expect that from you either, so… we’re even?” 

Virgil looked at him, his thoughts going 10 miles per hour. They’re… even. They’re even? They like each other? Like-like? He likes Patton and Patton likes him back? That’s possible? That’s what’s going on right now? Patton was not pitying him? He could be pitying him… Oh god, Patton was pitying him to not make him feel bad. He doesn’t like him back at all, he’s just humoring him. How could he even think he was for real? That’s stupid! Of course he’s just pitying him! That’s why he’s laughing! He’s laughing AT him. How did it take him so long to realize?

“That’s… not funny, you know?”

“Huh?” Patton looked completely caught off guard

“You shouldn’t pretend to like me back just to laugh at me, that’s just fucking rude” Virgil got his knees up to his chest, hugging them on the process

“What? What are you talking about, Virge?”

“Stop it” he hid his face on his arms, wishing this conversation was over

“Virgil! What are you even saying? You don’t believe me?” Virgil grunted, as a response that didn’t really answer anything “why would I ever lie to you about that? I would never hurt your feelings on purpose!” another grunt “I’m the embodiment of feelings! Why would I attempt to purposefully hurt yours? Or anybody’s? You really think I’m that much of a bad person…?” that last thing was said with such a pure, sad tone that it made Virgil’s head jolt up immediately.

“What- I don’t think you’re a bad person!”

“You’re saying I’m hurting your feelings on purpose!” Patton’s voice had a whiny subtone to it, one that he only let out when he was really upset. Virgil made him upset. He’s really the worst.

“Hurting me isn’t really something only bad people are allowed to do” the last part of his sentence got slightly muffled by his hoodie sleeves, when he laid the bottom part of his face on his arms, still hugging his legs.

“Virgil- I’m going to actually get mad at you if you keep talking bad about yourself” Patton let out his stern dad tone again.

“Sorry” was all he really had to say.

“I do like you. I like you a lot!” Patton squeezed his shin again “I would never say this if I didn’t mean it! I mean it a whole lot, honey!” Patton really seemed to like that nickname now. Virgil mentally cursed himself, again, this time to associating honey with puke and not letting go of it. This is why we can’t have nice things, Virgil.

“I… Ok…” Virgil lifted up his face again, looking at Patton… now what?

“I don’t really know” Patton chuckled. Did he say that out loud? What? “I mean…” Patton played with the strings of his own hoodie “we could kiss” he mentioned, out of nowhere.  
“What?” Virgil, despite having absolutely no expectations, was still surprised.

“Not if you don’t want to! I mean- we don’t have to! We can just hang out like we usually do! I was actually planning on decorating the mind palace with pride stuff since pride has been canceled because of COVID, but if you don’t want to do that we can also do something else” Patton was rambling now, his freckled face blushing again.

“Pats” Virgil interrupted him before he exploded.

“Yes?” Patton’s answer was almost too immediate, clearly nervous.

“We can kiss”

“We can?” Patton pulled a little bit on his hoodie strings “I mean… yeah, sure! Cool” Virgil snorted, making Patton blush even more.

The darker side let go of hugging his legs, finally letting both of them touch the floor, without a need to maintain a defensive posture anymore. Patton got a little bit closer to him, moving on his knees. With Virgil sitting on the bean bag and Patton kneeling on the floor, they were on a posture where Virgil was slightly taller than Patton, but he assumed that wouldn’t be a problem. Patton went back to cupping Virgil’s cheeks, the gesture much softer than the time before. His gentle touch already making Virgil’s cheeks heat up, like the didn’t know what was coming next. His mind was almost too nervous to even think about it. Being so nervous that it’s calm.

“Can I?” Of course. Only Patton would ask for consent even when he literally just got verbal consent 3 seconds ago. Virgil had to stop himself from rolling his eyes and letting out a frustrated groan.

“You can” his voice came in barely a whisper, one he prayed Patton heard. He did.

His first kiss with Patton was soft, sweet, short. He didn’t really expect anything different. None of these facts made Virgil stop himself from blushing like crazy, the soft feeling of Patton’s lips still there when they separated. He’s not sure what possessed him to immediately launch forward as soon as Patton separated, bargaining for another kiss. Not that he was complaining at all. This one was longer. Not just a peck, a real kiss, just as soft and sweet as the first one, their lips moving against each other for a while. When they separated, they looked at each other’s eyes, both of them laughing shyly before kissing a third time, interrupting each other when Patton smiled mid-kiss and Virgil followed him, both unable to keep their composure. 

They separated and finally allowed each other to laugh, Patton rested his read on the crook of Virgil’s neck. Virgil really tried not to have his breath hitch. Him and his sensitive neck could be a talk for another day. But not today, definitely not today. After a couple of seconds of calming down, Patton lifted his head again and grabbed each of Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil couldn’t do much more than looking at him like he was his whole world. Perhaps he was.

“So…” Patton began “the pride decoration thing is still on my schedule… do you-”

“Hell yeah” Virgil was the first one to get up, bringing Patton up with him, who couldn’t help but giggle.

“Sweet!” Patton was a beaming ray of sunshine, hugging one of Virgil’s arms and leading him to the mind palace’s living room, as if nothing at all had changed between them.

But it so had. And neither of them could be more glad about it. Both of them entering the living room with rosy cheeks, not taking too long until Roman started asking questions neither of them answered. But that’s a problem for another time.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so nervous about this asdfghjkl I'm not a writer, at all, but I'm currently hyperfixating on Sanders Sides since the last video was uploaded and the lack of moxiety on this fandom gives me a headache (yes, I'm exactly who you think I am, no I do not intend to stop, ever) unless this is terrible- in that case maybe I'll just stick to drawing, I guess asdfghjkl


End file.
